I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
