Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
