census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
