please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
