Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
