you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
