i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
