lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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