He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
