I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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