Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know her cup size but not her name....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
