And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
