either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
