shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
