I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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