tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize