You really coming over, don't trick.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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