I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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