So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
