I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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