I wish i was in the wii world.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
