There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
