I can text with my tongue
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
