I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
