Ambien. No doubt about it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dick very happy bro
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
