She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
