And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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