the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
