Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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