I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
