All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
