Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
