I have demons in me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
