So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize