You can't motorboat a personality
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
