Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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