john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
