# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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