This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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