I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
