The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
