Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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