I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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