he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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