If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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