I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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