Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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