I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
