Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
