Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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