So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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