he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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