Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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