Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
