Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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