like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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