That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
