Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
