You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Your penis caused this!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
