I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
