hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
