Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
