I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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