she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
