Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
