Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize