Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
