thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
