I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize