I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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