She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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